Early Morning Thinkings Part 4

So I am not dead. I exist and I have neglected this for long long because... I tried to have a life.

That's right I tired to act my age and have a life.
I tried to actually be a good student and have good grades.
I tried to socialize with people in my age group.
I tried to act like a girl for once and attempted to flirt with guys.
I tried to have a full on college experience and experiment with stuff.
I tried to be the girl I wanted to be.
I tried to be the best friend I could.
I tried to choose my friend more wisely.
I tried to be more active in my community.
I tried to express myself more.
I tried to be the best I could be.
I tried to be more "open".
I tried to find the things in life I've always wanted.

I tried, I tried, and I tried. I tried so hard that I obtained results...

-And I realized it was too late to act my age, I missed all the pre-requisites and so now I just find my generation boring and incapable of realizing what fun is.
-And I did well in the beginning but then I fell into a deadly pattern, I got over stressed and sick trying to maintain a tough work load and maintain a social life. I should have known you have to sacrifice one for the other. SO in the end I failed myself.
-And in some ways I succeeded, trying to socialize with others but I am still with the same group of people I typically would be with. I did make some normal college friends but the experience isn't lasting very long. I get bored by what they consider fun, a pattern of stupid and annoying things I have no interest in, and on the other hand not many are willing t accept me. Not a new concept, I am a rare breed after all.
- And I'm just not a good girl, sometimes I think I should've just been a man. The type of guys I like, just don't like me, and I already don't have much to choose from. I give up, at this moment I am temporarily Asexual :/
- And I don't like drugs, I refuse to get drunk, and I'm still a prude... That didn't go very far
- And I'm still trying :{
- And honestly I am, but lately I've been getting tired of it. I feel like cycles repeat themselves and I have lost so much faith in humanity...
- And still I have friend who find me disposable, who betray me and insult me after I sacrifice my time and emotion to them. I just feel like I try to hard in this part
- And in a way I am, I've been pretty good about this actually
- And I have but there is a downside as I I still have fears to get over
- And I am not
- And even though I have in some ways, the things going on lately have made me hold on to my values so much more
- And I did, and it was sad because as much as I wanted to be in it, i could never fully be in it...

So there you have it, I exist but I fail at existing... I just wish I could hypnotize myself to be someone else...
Night
JUST GABY

Fuck The Media! The Show Cult Following Critique - Bravo's Work of Art

New Segment! New Segment! Which I might change It's name... any way! This show:

Bravo's Work of Art: Search for the Next Great Artist

Whose seen it??? I mean I have mixed feelings about it but I am cheering on for so many people.
I have a very unique interpretation as to what art is and how I enjoy it. But this show peeves me a bit. A number one stereotype is that the art world is snooty and the show helps build this stereotype, #1 by its judges and #2 some of its contestants. The irony is that the ones with the "tude" aren't even that great of artist :/ I feel like feeding stereotypes of the art world aren't helping it any. I mean no offense, not like DA helps it one bit as it feeds the one trick Manga art stereotype.. 10x fold but Work of Art kind of flashes it. Click the link to read more :]

The Musical Liberation Sensation Part 2: "Siuil A Run" - Clannad

It's that time again! For those not familiar with this segment, I basically pick a song and analyze its influence on me by breaking it down and relating it to my life atm. So here we go, again!:

When I first heard this song I stumbled upon it by accident. At the time I was looking for Albannach's old band Clann An Drumma and instead stumbled upon Clannad. This amazing little Irish band has been singing beautiful Irish folk ballads, and other old tunes for year [Honestly they have been around for so long they deserve one of those lifetime achievement awards] One might know them for their haunting piece "I Will Find You" from the Last of the Mohican soundtrack. I deeply with all my heart say that people should look past the showy, sex-appeal fueled image we look to day and back track to the beautiful classics let by artist like Clannad. Their music speaks to the soul, and preserves the beauty of many of our ancestors, including my own [I am part Irish after all] Either way, Siuil A Run, was the 2nd song [Use to believe it was the 1st because I had for the longest time believed "I Will Find You" was sang by Enya XD] I had heard form this band, and it was all that it took for them to land #22 on my favorite band list. That being said, this is one of the few songs that I play repeatedly and consistently throughout my life and NEVER get sick of no matter how many times its looped. [Some of you might be familiar with the Celtic Woman version, which is good in it's own right, HOWEVER it does not do the song any justice. Celtic woman renditions tend to ruin many great folk songs because they cut out the meat of the lyrics and are overly repetitive of the chorus and long instrumental breaks] That being said, How does it relate to my life? [Click link for more :]]

The Anti-Theory - Part 1

Hey guys it's been awhile and so I open up with a new segment! This is the Anti-Theory. Where I take long pondered or accepted proverb/quote and warp them to reality :D Aka this is just for lulz even though this is somewhat legit XD. Enjoy, the Anti-Theory on The Forest Gump Quote:

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... you want the damn delicious caramel filled one but no, NO! GOD FORBID you get the deliciousness! No, you're going to pick the one filled with ORANGE ARTIFICIAL TASTING CRAP! And then you want to throw it away but your mom's like "No No, Don't waste it! There are children in Africa dying finish it!" and you're like "But MOM this taste like shit" and she gives you THAT stare, so you eat it. And then it ends up this was the ONE chocolate in the box that had traces of peanut in it, and you happen to be VIOLENTLY ALLERGIC to peanuts. So 5 minutes later you're flapping on the ground like a GOSH DARN DUMB ASS MAGIKARP and your parents are like "OH NO WHAT DO WE DO??!!!" and you have to go to the damn ER! And because of the shitty economy you have NO HEALTH INSURANCE.... Moral of the story - chocolate doesn't kill, people do"

Updater 101 - I exist!

So I decided to give my update post names :] So its now segmented as Update 101 :D
I haven't talked on here for awhile, sorry lol school is a bitch. I have quite a few things planned now that the summer is coming around. So here are two lists XD One is stuff I am going to do this summer, and the other are just things I want to do in my life at any given time, but like a wants compared to needs kind of thing.

This Summer

• Get Back Into The Comic-Scene ~ Yeah I want to draw comics again, I miss it deeply :[
• Write A Sims Story ~ I Write Stories all the time, but I REALLY want to do a Visual Novel using sim imagery! So a 2nd blog is in the process whoot!
• Begin to Develop my fashion sense, serious time - I have one but I just want to make it clearer for myself because its all in a scramble, It's not like I have a definitive style, but I know what i mean so thats all that matters XD
• ????
• Profit

I Want To Do Eventually

• Roller Coaster Chest
• Dress as a Ganguro for ONE day out of curiousity
• Elevator Spin
• Make a really good song
• Hit up at least 5 ren fairs in one year
• Get a car 
• Go to an Anberlin Concert
• Go to an Alexander Rybak concert

Well there you go, I'll probably fix this when i'm not so sleepy and I'll post again soon 

Love

JUST GABY

On The For The Real Talk? Part 2: I Want To Be Able To Live...

So this is going to be a little different form my last post in this segment. This time I am going to spew stuff in a non-sequitur poetic format. It's going to be more of a rant, I mean It's more of a soul clearing thing, I guess lol. But here it goes. A basic synopsis, it's about how we aren't really living, because we aren't.

Click the link for the long but powerful and perplex poem :]

Early Morning Thinkings Part 3

So yet another of these, I should probably be asleep since I have midterms but I really just needed to get something off my chest. Right now its fair time, so about now I am in a different world of thinking. My mind has been opened up and for awhile I am either extremely sad or ridiculously happy. Usually I am the latter but at times I can be the first option. Lately its been a combination. Either way, so far I have had the opportunity to meet new people and enjoy their company. I've also been reunited with many people who I hold very dear. In one case however, I held someone too dear. Now, even though I am basically accepting of the circumstance, I feel like I have wasted my life and thoughts dreaming and hoping. For three years I dreamed and hoped and prayed for this person, but when it seemed liked the perfect time, I was lead into an inevitable doom.

I find it funny how when conflicted with emotion, ones thoughts can become so strong and set in so deep. So many people would say things like, "steal him away" or "break them up". Already I have strong principles against such practices, so either way none of those were ever an option. But that wasn't the reason that popped in my mind when I said no to this absurd advice. It was what I saw, what my heart and mind were telling me when I saw him and his love. My mind brain and the sincerest feelings of my heart were happy just to see him happy. As a human, I of course felt that tinge of jealousy, but my strong adoration for him overwhelmed such emotions and only wished for his happiness in the end. Perhaps that is why I am so calmly and smoothly excepting of it now, along with the words and teaching of Great men like the Dalai Llama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. But its odd how the human heart works when in love. I've seen people kill, deceive, and plot i the name of it. But when I was put in it, I so simply cried my fill and took my fate in stride...  Holy shit I just realized... I pulled a fucking little mermaid D:

I would like to point out right now before I ramble any further. I am OBSESSED with mermaids, and Hans Christian Anderson is one of my favorite authors of all time. So it only makes sense why the Little Mermaid is one of my favorite stories of all time. I base some of my life principles on its lessons. But anyway, I literally while typing this just realized that I subconscious pulled a Little Mermaid. I sacrificed my happiness for his, I cared so much that I took it all internally in the end... Wow... Yet again the tragic story of my life... I dunno what to say right now so I'm just going to end it here. It seems I have some serious thinking to do...

I'm working on another "Musical Liberation Sensation" [Let's call it MLS from now on XD] and another "On The For The Real Talk?". Hopefully these will come out soon

Also, I've become a bit of a skeptic recently, or more so than usual. So I'm going to start posting random human facts on the bottom of all my post :D

Random Dumb Human Fact: "It was the custom in Ancient Rome for the men to place their right hand on their testicles when taking an oath. The modern term 'testimony' is derived from this tradition."

Early Morning Thinkings Part 2

Yes another one of these, but this shall be short seeing as this is more of an "I live" post. My mind is a 'tabula rasa' right now, but then again maybe that for the best. I really don't know whats wrong or right with me, I figured out I am more human than I care to admit. Why is communication such a struggle, and why is it difficult to have what you truly want? I don't know, but I am sure of one things. I'm tired... I am very, very tired. Years of weight are pulling me through the sand and mud, and I just want an easy access pass right about now.

Like I've said, few times before... I always have this feeling, this pest that constantly lingers by me which pokes and prys and whispers: "You're letting time pass you by, we are not long on this earth and you're wasting it away"

Now in my single room, nice and clean, organized [to a degree] and in the decorative process I stare and think to myself, how lonely. Sure when you wake in the morning and think to yourself of no roadblocks, or precautions needed to be taken due to the presence of a fellow being, it seems pretty sweet. But in those quiet, uneventful, nights when you can clearly hear the people above you [who apparently don't exist] blaring their music and sounding jolly as you try to sleep in your bed, you can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness. It's lonely a single room. It's very lonely to a person who already is surrounded by the presence of nothing.

Today, my Sociology teacher pointed somethings out. Now before going over this, I'll state that I have a mixed opinion on the concepts displayed amongst culture and science [And I definitely don't think Alcoholism is a disease, it just can lead to it]** But anyway. He pointed out a valid concept, how the best working, most common structure in all forms of relationships is a triad, or a group of three people. No matter how it works out, everything forms a triad. The thing with triad's however is that someone is always left out, because two members will always bond closer. The moment he explained the structure and gave us examples, I felt as if I were hit with a two ton dose of reality. My whole life rushed before my eyes, and I examined it and like many I realized that it was truly the story of my life. And at the time I was feeling a bit of insecurity amongst my own current friends which I could not identify. And there it was, it revealed itself in a simple lesson plan. most people would try to fix the problem. Gaby [of course] slumps into a deep depression, and when she tries to fix the depression gets into a horrid situation which worsens said depression. Eitherway, it carried out right up till Monday, the day after I returned from my first trip ever to Disney World E>

All in all, yet again I have to search for some path of happiness. In all honesty, I know where I can find it, but right now it just is not in my reach. I can only believe that it will be after college. But for now I have to find something else to bide my time, Ren-Fest is coming up soon but it goes away. So when it's over, I have to be prepared this year, because I refuse to go into a one month depression after fair for the 5th time in a row. XD

Until Next Time,

Love

Just Gaby

(o'w')> Comment I Don't Bite <('w' o)

** Saturday/Feb 6 2010/2:07am- Every thing after this point was added later on, this kills the authenticity a bit since I had time to calm down and think about it all. But I am basically still saying what I planned to say, more rationally since it would've been a bit more wordy at the time this post was originally started. For those who might have seen the post prior to me editing, you would know that it ended with the words: ["Ahh fuck it put in a bad mood"] I was, due t a little scuffle that had happened at that time, but it was minor and not a major matter of concern. Thanks to those who showed concern :]

Beileve it or not this is just a Normal run-of-the-mill post!

I know! Surprising right?! No segments, no music, NADA!!!!!!! I just felt like posting today :] I needed to get some stuff off of my chest. Coming into the new year I was filled with a surge of positivity. I don't know why but I felt good about everything. I'm back in college now and I'm trying to figure out why I was so excited to go back. I guess its one of those Catch 22's, where you want something but once you have it you get bored or don't feel the same. Just started classes and I've gotta say my teacher for History is pretty awesome. I've been lucky enough to have a good streak of history teachers.

The first one I had was in 4th grade, Mr Douglas was amazing. His rendition of Pocahontas was the best, in my opinion.

Then skipping 5th grade, which was a young chick named Ms.Sweeney who taught us right out of the book...

In 6th grade I had Mr.Colasanto, who honestly gets the biggest of respects from me because he shaped my political mind set today and kind of aided me on my way to my future career. First off his teaching style was amazing! Whether it was a Toilet paper time-line or playing guitar and singing songs, well he was awesome! Because of him, the two years wasted after him [7th and 8th grade my geo/history teachers didn't know shit] didn't hurt my learning because he made my thinking go ahead of my grade. I had such a good understanding of the Cold War and event occurring around me after his class. Funny because he was only suppose to teacher ancient history, but like many say! You can't understand the present with learning about the past. I hope to see him one day in the future.

As I said 7th and 8th grade with Mr.Jones were a waste, the only highlight is that I realized years later that I had beaten my 7th grade teacher Mr.Blue in an argument about politics because I had my facts together! I was a child genius!

9th grade was kind of a waste too, but I did think Ms.Williams was a very kind lady and honestly appreciated the world. She helped me learn the name of countries so I can always appreciate that!

10th & 12th grade I had the pleasant experience of having a class with Mr.Miller, he is another man who I have the utmost respect for. I learned so much from him and he just is a truly genuine amazing person, he has utmost respect for the world, it's people, its environment and just EVERYTHING. Europe will never be the same to me XD And I had the fantastic opportunity to have his class TWICE!

11th grade was another great year for history! I had Mr.Weigel, or as I accidentally called him do to extreme lack of sleep Mr.Wiggle. XD He gave me and amazing lesson on our country and what more he was a moderate republican. You'd think we would clash! And we did have our arguments, lol like Yankees vs Red Sox [who suck BTW] but he was a very respectable EDUCATED and aware man which was why I do not regret taking his class and would gladly do it again :] Wonder how he will react when he sees me as a future senator XD

11th & 12th grade I had Mr.Lamarca, [Lamarkypoo >.<] he is no longer teaching, which to me is a major loss to the education community in my opinion. He was awesome, he taught me about law and framers. Honestly he was a very kind-hearted and sweet little man, very much like that cool uncle who makes hot cocoa. Weird reference I know XD

Anyway, right now my teacher is Mr. Levitt, or little Levi in I adore the man! He is hilarious, and like all the other teachers above, passionate about what he does. That something that gets credit in my book. And not to mention his speeches are not easily forgotten XD


Well peace yall, 

             Just Gaby

On The For The Real Talk? Part 1: Stereotypes Need to Fucking STOP

So I'm starting off the New Year, doing pretty well so far! Keeping positive and feeling positive. Trying new things and slowly dreams are coming true :3 So HERE WE GO! yes, yes ANOTHER new segment [I told you it was coming in my music segment didn't I?] In this segment I basically pick a topic [of any scale I don't believe in boundaries when it comes to speech, well unless your talking about cannibals and EXTREMELY perverse subjects like vore and Miley Cyrus then yeah ALMOST no boundaries XD] and state both fact and opinion. And I have a strong opinion on most things so don't expect a picnic in these posts! Anyway! Here we go!

 

Courtesy of: Starlight MKS 

Stereotypes, Labels, Judging, though they don't always have to be negative majority of the time that is what they are associated with. From there they branch out, into arrogance, ignorance, homophobia, racism, sexism, prejudice, bigotry you name it. Well guess what? It needs to stop! Very much it needs to stop! I've always been a very strong advocate against such mannerism, and for the most part I have lived my life the way I preached. I would recently learn that I was still missing a huge chunk of the puzzle [I'll get to this in a later paragraph]