Early Morning Thinkings Part 2

Yes another one of these, but this shall be short seeing as this is more of an "I live" post. My mind is a 'tabula rasa' right now, but then again maybe that for the best. I really don't know whats wrong or right with me, I figured out I am more human than I care to admit. Why is communication such a struggle, and why is it difficult to have what you truly want? I don't know, but I am sure of one things. I'm tired... I am very, very tired. Years of weight are pulling me through the sand and mud, and I just want an easy access pass right about now.

Like I've said, few times before... I always have this feeling, this pest that constantly lingers by me which pokes and prys and whispers: "You're letting time pass you by, we are not long on this earth and you're wasting it away"

Now in my single room, nice and clean, organized [to a degree] and in the decorative process I stare and think to myself, how lonely. Sure when you wake in the morning and think to yourself of no roadblocks, or precautions needed to be taken due to the presence of a fellow being, it seems pretty sweet. But in those quiet, uneventful, nights when you can clearly hear the people above you [who apparently don't exist] blaring their music and sounding jolly as you try to sleep in your bed, you can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness. It's lonely a single room. It's very lonely to a person who already is surrounded by the presence of nothing.

Today, my Sociology teacher pointed somethings out. Now before going over this, I'll state that I have a mixed opinion on the concepts displayed amongst culture and science [And I definitely don't think Alcoholism is a disease, it just can lead to it]** But anyway. He pointed out a valid concept, how the best working, most common structure in all forms of relationships is a triad, or a group of three people. No matter how it works out, everything forms a triad. The thing with triad's however is that someone is always left out, because two members will always bond closer. The moment he explained the structure and gave us examples, I felt as if I were hit with a two ton dose of reality. My whole life rushed before my eyes, and I examined it and like many I realized that it was truly the story of my life. And at the time I was feeling a bit of insecurity amongst my own current friends which I could not identify. And there it was, it revealed itself in a simple lesson plan. most people would try to fix the problem. Gaby [of course] slumps into a deep depression, and when she tries to fix the depression gets into a horrid situation which worsens said depression. Eitherway, it carried out right up till Monday, the day after I returned from my first trip ever to Disney World E>

All in all, yet again I have to search for some path of happiness. In all honesty, I know where I can find it, but right now it just is not in my reach. I can only believe that it will be after college. But for now I have to find something else to bide my time, Ren-Fest is coming up soon but it goes away. So when it's over, I have to be prepared this year, because I refuse to go into a one month depression after fair for the 5th time in a row. XD

Until Next Time,

Love

Just Gaby

(o'w')> Comment I Don't Bite <('w' o)

** Saturday/Feb 6 2010/2:07am- Every thing after this point was added later on, this kills the authenticity a bit since I had time to calm down and think about it all. But I am basically still saying what I planned to say, more rationally since it would've been a bit more wordy at the time this post was originally started. For those who might have seen the post prior to me editing, you would know that it ended with the words: ["Ahh fuck it put in a bad mood"] I was, due t a little scuffle that had happened at that time, but it was minor and not a major matter of concern. Thanks to those who showed concern :]