Early Morning Thinkings Part 4

So I am not dead. I exist and I have neglected this for long long because... I tried to have a life.

That's right I tired to act my age and have a life.
I tried to actually be a good student and have good grades.
I tried to socialize with people in my age group.
I tried to act like a girl for once and attempted to flirt with guys.
I tried to have a full on college experience and experiment with stuff.
I tried to be the girl I wanted to be.
I tried to be the best friend I could.
I tried to choose my friend more wisely.
I tried to be more active in my community.
I tried to express myself more.
I tried to be the best I could be.
I tried to be more "open".
I tried to find the things in life I've always wanted.

I tried, I tried, and I tried. I tried so hard that I obtained results...

-And I realized it was too late to act my age, I missed all the pre-requisites and so now I just find my generation boring and incapable of realizing what fun is.
-And I did well in the beginning but then I fell into a deadly pattern, I got over stressed and sick trying to maintain a tough work load and maintain a social life. I should have known you have to sacrifice one for the other. SO in the end I failed myself.
-And in some ways I succeeded, trying to socialize with others but I am still with the same group of people I typically would be with. I did make some normal college friends but the experience isn't lasting very long. I get bored by what they consider fun, a pattern of stupid and annoying things I have no interest in, and on the other hand not many are willing t accept me. Not a new concept, I am a rare breed after all.
- And I'm just not a good girl, sometimes I think I should've just been a man. The type of guys I like, just don't like me, and I already don't have much to choose from. I give up, at this moment I am temporarily Asexual :/
- And I don't like drugs, I refuse to get drunk, and I'm still a prude... That didn't go very far
- And I'm still trying :{
- And honestly I am, but lately I've been getting tired of it. I feel like cycles repeat themselves and I have lost so much faith in humanity...
- And still I have friend who find me disposable, who betray me and insult me after I sacrifice my time and emotion to them. I just feel like I try to hard in this part
- And in a way I am, I've been pretty good about this actually
- And I have but there is a downside as I I still have fears to get over
- And I am not
- And even though I have in some ways, the things going on lately have made me hold on to my values so much more
- And I did, and it was sad because as much as I wanted to be in it, i could never fully be in it...

So there you have it, I exist but I fail at existing... I just wish I could hypnotize myself to be someone else...
Night
JUST GABY

Fuck The Media! The Show Cult Following Critique - Bravo's Work of Art

New Segment! New Segment! Which I might change It's name... any way! This show:

Bravo's Work of Art: Search for the Next Great Artist

Whose seen it??? I mean I have mixed feelings about it but I am cheering on for so many people.
I have a very unique interpretation as to what art is and how I enjoy it. But this show peeves me a bit. A number one stereotype is that the art world is snooty and the show helps build this stereotype, #1 by its judges and #2 some of its contestants. The irony is that the ones with the "tude" aren't even that great of artist :/ I feel like feeding stereotypes of the art world aren't helping it any. I mean no offense, not like DA helps it one bit as it feeds the one trick Manga art stereotype.. 10x fold but Work of Art kind of flashes it. Click the link to read more :]

The Musical Liberation Sensation Part 2: "Siuil A Run" - Clannad

It's that time again! For those not familiar with this segment, I basically pick a song and analyze its influence on me by breaking it down and relating it to my life atm. So here we go, again!:

When I first heard this song I stumbled upon it by accident. At the time I was looking for Albannach's old band Clann An Drumma and instead stumbled upon Clannad. This amazing little Irish band has been singing beautiful Irish folk ballads, and other old tunes for year [Honestly they have been around for so long they deserve one of those lifetime achievement awards] One might know them for their haunting piece "I Will Find You" from the Last of the Mohican soundtrack. I deeply with all my heart say that people should look past the showy, sex-appeal fueled image we look to day and back track to the beautiful classics let by artist like Clannad. Their music speaks to the soul, and preserves the beauty of many of our ancestors, including my own [I am part Irish after all] Either way, Siuil A Run, was the 2nd song [Use to believe it was the 1st because I had for the longest time believed "I Will Find You" was sang by Enya XD] I had heard form this band, and it was all that it took for them to land #22 on my favorite band list. That being said, this is one of the few songs that I play repeatedly and consistently throughout my life and NEVER get sick of no matter how many times its looped. [Some of you might be familiar with the Celtic Woman version, which is good in it's own right, HOWEVER it does not do the song any justice. Celtic woman renditions tend to ruin many great folk songs because they cut out the meat of the lyrics and are overly repetitive of the chorus and long instrumental breaks] That being said, How does it relate to my life? [Click link for more :]]

The Anti-Theory - Part 1

Hey guys it's been awhile and so I open up with a new segment! This is the Anti-Theory. Where I take long pondered or accepted proverb/quote and warp them to reality :D Aka this is just for lulz even though this is somewhat legit XD. Enjoy, the Anti-Theory on The Forest Gump Quote:

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... you want the damn delicious caramel filled one but no, NO! GOD FORBID you get the deliciousness! No, you're going to pick the one filled with ORANGE ARTIFICIAL TASTING CRAP! And then you want to throw it away but your mom's like "No No, Don't waste it! There are children in Africa dying finish it!" and you're like "But MOM this taste like shit" and she gives you THAT stare, so you eat it. And then it ends up this was the ONE chocolate in the box that had traces of peanut in it, and you happen to be VIOLENTLY ALLERGIC to peanuts. So 5 minutes later you're flapping on the ground like a GOSH DARN DUMB ASS MAGIKARP and your parents are like "OH NO WHAT DO WE DO??!!!" and you have to go to the damn ER! And because of the shitty economy you have NO HEALTH INSURANCE.... Moral of the story - chocolate doesn't kill, people do"

Updater 101 - I exist!

So I decided to give my update post names :] So its now segmented as Update 101 :D
I haven't talked on here for awhile, sorry lol school is a bitch. I have quite a few things planned now that the summer is coming around. So here are two lists XD One is stuff I am going to do this summer, and the other are just things I want to do in my life at any given time, but like a wants compared to needs kind of thing.

This Summer

• Get Back Into The Comic-Scene ~ Yeah I want to draw comics again, I miss it deeply :[
• Write A Sims Story ~ I Write Stories all the time, but I REALLY want to do a Visual Novel using sim imagery! So a 2nd blog is in the process whoot!
• Begin to Develop my fashion sense, serious time - I have one but I just want to make it clearer for myself because its all in a scramble, It's not like I have a definitive style, but I know what i mean so thats all that matters XD
• ????
• Profit

I Want To Do Eventually

• Roller Coaster Chest
• Dress as a Ganguro for ONE day out of curiousity
• Elevator Spin
• Make a really good song
• Hit up at least 5 ren fairs in one year
• Get a car 
• Go to an Anberlin Concert
• Go to an Alexander Rybak concert

Well there you go, I'll probably fix this when i'm not so sleepy and I'll post again soon 

Love

JUST GABY